The Muppets do a great job at performing Christmas songs.

Imagine Animal, Beeker, and the Swedish Chef caroling outside your house. That would be almost as good as Tarzan, Frankenstein and Tonto doing the same thing.

{ 3020 commentshttp://firri.com/muppets-do-ringing-of-the-bellsMuppets+Do+Ringing+of+the+Bells2009-12-13+22%3A02%3A33 }

My 7 and 9 year old boys were cracking up this afternoon and insisted that I watch this video with them. I could only make it through about 3 minutes. They watched it about 20 times.

{ 3000 commentshttp://firri.com/fart-warsFart+Wars2009-12-12+23%3A57%3A33 }

Victoria’s Secret Christmas Ad featuring knives and shouting and loud music.

Michael Bay directed this and it lives up to his usual wild explosions and over the top visual, audio and overall sensory overload.

Now this is the right way for Victoria’s Secret to get the word out. Social Media viral videos are AWESOME!

{ 2950 commentshttp://firri.com/victorias-secret-christmas-ad-videoVictoria%27s+Secret+Christmas+Ad+Video2009-12-09+20%3A37%3A36 }

I wondered who was buying all those Deer heads at the yard sale…

{ 2920 commentshttp://firri.com/rednecks-love-christmas-tooRednecks+Love+Christmas+Too...2009-12-09+20%3A21%3A22 }

Mysterious sea creature spotted in Madeira Beach canal

Madeira Beach, Florida — Russ Sittloh says a mysterious serpent-like creature that’s at least 20 feet long has been swimming in the canal behind his Madeira Beach home and he wants to find out what it is.

“The head will come up and then it will disappear and then the next thing you know, you’ll see a couple rolls behind it,” Sittloh said.

Sittloh has named the creature “Normandy Nessie” after the road he lives on. The 78-year-old retired engineer has also set up a camera to capture video of the creature and so far he’s recorded “Normandy Nessie” six times.

Photo Gallery: Sittloh’s images of Normandy Nessie

“When I first saw it (in April) I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It was so unreal.”

But Sittloh is not the only person who claims to have seen a mysterious serpent-like creature swimming around Madeira Beach. Bill Van Aken and his wife, Maria, say they have both seen it.

“I didn’t see the tail come out of the water like Russ did, but I could see the wake that it was leaving. It had to be at least 15-feet or longer,” Bill Van Aken said.

After watching some of the videos Sittloh has recorded, a biologist with Florida Fish and Wildlife says the creature in question appears to be a manatee.

“Like I said, the rate of speed and the size looks indicative of a large adult manatee taking a break and going back down,” Andy Garrett with FWC said.

But Sittloh insists it’s not a manatee. “I’ve swam with manatees, I’ve swam with sharks, I’ve swam with sea snakes, there is no way it’s a manatee.”

Sittloh says it’s possible the creature could be an anaconda but he says “Normandy Nessie” has a tail fin that’s not consistent with snakes.

You can find Sittloh’s photos by clicking here –> Photos or by going to www.photobucket.com and searching for “Normandy Nessie.”

Sittloh adds he’s seen at least two of the sea creatures and he’s concerned they could be dangerous.

Mysterious sea creature spotted in Madeira Beach canal
Preston Rudie 21 days ago
http://www.wtsp.com/news/mostpop/story.aspx?storyid=117916&provider=top

http://suncoastpinellas.tbo.com

We think Sittloh needs to back off the cough medicine a little.

{ 2900 commentshttp://firri.com/30-foot-sea-monster-spotted-at-madeira-beach30+Foot+Sea+Monster+Spotted+at+Madeira+Beach2009-12-08+21%3A10%3A11 }

I have been know to place ads on craigslist to sell various things or promote various services and have had tremendous results. Occasionally I look at the other ads to see how mine look in comparison.

I have posted a few I looked at today that caught my eye. Yes, there are people out there more weird than you and I. Unless you are the hugger ad placer. That is just super weird.

________________________

I don’t really get this one. Not sure if it is creepy, weird or fictional. Maybe it is all 3?

Professional Hugger Wanted (Tampa Bay )
Date: 2009-12-08, 12:22PM EST
Reply to: job-fu3tr-1500647749@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

I need a guy (or a girl), preferably a male because these hugs can sometimes get out of control requiring lifting of 100 lbs or more. This candidate should be well networked in the south Tampa club scene, and know how to throw hugs around like it’s a 24 hour wedding or funeral. This individual should be self-sufficient in promoting and have the ability to ride coatails like Tony Hawk in the X games. Because of the nature of this job, hugging, this individual ideally should be between 5′11 and 6′3 and of athletic build.

* Location: Tampa Bay
* Compensation: $10.00 an hour
* This is a part-time job.
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

pro hugger. i like hugs and all, but have never considered turning pro
—————
Now if only I was a waitress, I could work for commission and tips at a hot dog cart.

hot dog cart waitress (tampa)
Date: 2009-12-08, 12:33PM EST
Reply to: job-e8h9w-1500679774@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

looking for waitress for small hot dog cart-o.k spot but looking for better location-THIS PAYS ON COMMISION AND TIPS ONLY-the right person will probably do o.k-easy job,but looking for someone that want’s to make money-look good and be clean is your best bet-room to make more with right attitude-pay daily- am taking appts for the next hr. or so,then I’ll pull the ad . Thank you,Jeff 813-966-2380

* Location: tampa
* Compensation: commiission and tips
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 1500679774

————–

This is one of my neighbors. I dont think pet alligators are legal are they? Sounds like you need hazard pay actually.

Animal (Reptile) Care-Taker (St. Pete (Pinellas Point))
Date: 2009-12-08, 12:17AM EST
Reply to: job-d7kwg-1500……@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

We will be going out of town for about a month and will need someone to look after some animals. We will be able to meet beforehand to show you what to do. We would need you to check on the following tanks to make sure the animals are in there and ok. Make sure they all have water and mist the Frog & Tarantula tanks with spring water. Feed pellets to Fish and Turtles. Feed crickets to Lizard, Tarantula, Frogs & Baby Alligator. Feed Greens to Lizard. Feed Thawed fish to Fish. Top off tanks with de-chlorinated water if necessary. This would be 15-20 minutes of work each time. Twice a Week from December 28 to January 16. This would mean coming out approximately 6 times total. Compensation will be $60 and will be given upon return.

2 Fish Tanks
1 Lizard Tank
1 Snake Tank
1 Frog Tank
3 Turtle Tanks
1 Tarantula Tank

Must have experience with reptiles and/or fish. Please respond with a list of animals you have worked with, jobs you’ve had, experience, and references. Other opportunities may be present in the future. Please email information.

* Location: St. Pete (Pinellas Point)
* Compensation: $60
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 150…..

————————–

This is sort of cheating as I found it on the Best of Craigslist, but it is silly regardless.

Originally Posted: Mon, 28 Sep 15:27 CDT
I Will Help You Teach Your Cat to Walk On a Leash
Date: 2009-09-28, 3:27PM CDT

Well, there are no guarantees, but it can be done. I am a dog person by nature, but have slowly taught my cats to walk on a leash outdoors. So many people have stopped and said, “‘I’ve always wanted to do that, how did you you do it?” that I figured I might try to pass on some knowledge for a minimal fee.

Walking your cat is great fun, and they love it. One of mine took to it right away and still sits meowing at the door to go out; the other, who I got when he was older, was terrified of the outdoors at first, but has come to love it. Most felines would love to be outdoors, smelling and feeling new things, even if they’re scared at first. Most people just don’t give them the chance.

Cats after three years old may not be able to acclimatize to the outdoors and all of its stimuli; some cats hate the harness; and others may just be housecats, pure and simple. Them’s the breaks.

Teaching them how to walk takes time and patience, but it is rewarding. I should add that they rarely walk completely like a dog (i.e. your cat won’t jog next to you), and will sometimes decide, “Hey, let’s slow down and lay down here for a while, this bush smells good,” you can train them to walk alongside you on a leash for long periods of time. Once they get that first taste, they love it.

And once you can do that, you can take your cat to the beach, to the park, to the lake, etc. A whole new world for them, and fun for you.

My fee for an hour or so of instruction is fifty dollars. I will bring one of mine over as a demonstration and talk to you about the various steps to take. I can’t guarantee that your cat will learn to walk on a leash, but if it does your fifty will be well spent.

* Location: Minneapolis
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1396845130

——————–

Originally Posted: Wed, 30 Sep 23:50 EDT
Need a volunteer to give me a vasectomy
Date: 2009-09-30, 11:50PM EDT

Well, I do have health insurance, believe it or not. But it’s useless to pay for a vasectomy, since I’m only 24. I’ve wanted one since I was 16. I have one kid already and don’t ever want another (though I love the one I have, of course). Anyway, my doctor said it would be impossible until I’m 30 or have 4 kids. I’m hoping I don’t have 4 kids before turning 30, but accidents happen.

Would you like to stop accidents? Perhaps you are Christian and you hate abortion more than anything. Well, I guarantee you will prevent more than one abortion by snipping my vas. Perhaps you’re a liberal and you hate seeing kids grow up in poverty. You get the drift.

Yes, this is a serious post. Please reply only if you have experience doing vasectomies, and you are willing to do one “pro-bono”.

P.S. I called Planned Parenthood already. They want $500.

* Location: philadelphia — germantown
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* it’s OK to distribute this charitable volunteerism opportunity for inclusion in 3rd party web sites that have been approved by craigslist

{ 2870 commentshttp://firri.com/craigslist-adsCraigslist+Ads2009-12-08+20%3A21%3A11 }

I got this from a Navy Veteran yesterday December 7th.

Drafting Guys over 60

—-this is so Funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier—-

New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 35.

For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. “My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry” We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the heck. Besides, like I said, “I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-gun.

If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I’ve been in combat and didn’t see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I’ve never seen anyone out run a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

If nothing else, put us on border patrol….we will have it secured the first night!

Share this with your senior friends. It’s purposely in big type so they can read it.

{ 2770 commentshttp://firri.com/drafting-guys-over-60Drafting+Guys+over+602009-12-08+17%3A28%3A37 }

Someone at Oxford has compiled a list of the top ten most irritating phrases:
(These are from the UK, but have universal resonance…)

1 – At the end of the day

2 – Fairly unique

3 – I personally

4 – At this moment in time

5 – With all due respect

6 – Absolutely

7 – It’s a nightmare

8 – Shouldn’t of

9 – 24/7

10 – It’s not rocket science

Ok. I use most of these. My gramaticalistic skills is more badder than yours.

{ 2750 commentshttp://firri.com/the-ten-most-irritating-phrases+The+Ten+Most+Irritating+Phrases2009-12-08+15%3A46%3A50 }

The world has gotten even lazier. You no longer need to lift the telephone, just use your remote…to order crap on The Home Shopping Network.

Picking up the phone or turning on the computer is too stressful and strenuous for many Americans so in an effort to relieve global stress The Home Shopping Network and Comcast have teamed up to provide shop by remote.

While many believe that this will impact business for HSN in a profound way, we dug deeper to find the real meaning to this story.

What we found will shock you.
Amaze you.
Horrify you.
It may even put you to sleep. For good.

We believe that HSN is part of a global conspiracy to take over the battery market, the television remote control market, and Carpal Tunnel Dr’s.

Here is their dastardly plan:

1. Corner the Futures Market on AA and AAA batteries
2. Get agreement to roll out “Shop by Remote” with largest cable company in the universe.
3. Corner the market on television remotes in anticipation of people wearing theirs out from order so many Snuggies by remote when they are cold
4. Give preferred air time to brother who just discovered an instant cure for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in exchange for handsome share of the Patents.

The other day when HSN cornered the market on batteries, they brought Comcast into the deal with a share in the Remote Control piece of the pie. Comcast Executives are now Television Remote Control Czars. Each owning a different brand.

All HSN on air presenters are now going to be required to wear a Snuggie with the newly attached TV Remote Lanyard while presenting all products. Every 30 seconds they have to comment, “My! This ordering by remote thing is so easy! And with this new Snuggie with built in TV Remote Lanyard I will never have to worry about paying my phone bill again!”

This snuggie does not come with a lanyard. However, You will get a FREE SNUGGIE when you buy a snuggie, but only by clicking on this ad.

With the literal tidal wave of rednecks people ordering with the convenience of their remote, Carpal Tunnel will start to creep in.   Billions of people will become afflicted.  The formula for the instantaneous cure for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome will sell for a premium and only be available through HSN.

The Democrats will provide a bailout for people with Carpal Tunnel declaring a “Cash for Cripples” program.

The Republicans will declare that HSN is plotting a Communist takeover of the world by making the www.Cure4HSNTVRemoteCausedCarpalTunnelSyndrom.org Formula only available to shoppers who use remotes purchased through HSN attached to Snuggie Lanyards and yet not have the spine to do anything but whine.

The rest of us with actual intelligence will never use the Remote Ordering System and frankly have never even watched HSN.

Breaking News!!! The Snuggie for Dogs will allow you to secure a backup remote to your dog’s Snuggie in case your remote gets lost in your couch cushions. So when you need to order from HSN Simply shout for Fido and BAMMO! There is your remote. Caution should be used though as your dog will become depressed and humiliated just like this dog in the ad when you make it wear a snuggie.

This Snuggie for Dogs DOES NOT include a lanyard but it is Buy 1 get 1 Free when you click through on this ad!

For more information on this earth shattering news visit: http://www2.tbo.com/content/2009/dec/02/hsn-signs-comcast-shop-remote-service/

{ 2570 commentshttp://firri.com/hsn-is-destroying-the-worldHSN+is+Destroying+the+World+2009-12-03+01%3A22%3A00 }